Research

     As I continue to dig into to researching for my topic, I've really struggled to find everything I thought I would be able to. Much of the argument from one side is the same, and while it has substance, it really lacks in some key places. I am finding several scholarly articles, however, and am hoping to continue to find some valuable information along the way. 

    I think I just to need to buckle down and find several more articles and educate myself fully on the topic before I start writing. If I have all the information to back me up, hopefully things will start to fall into place more easily. 

The Final Project

     It took me a lot of thinking to finally come to the conclusion on what I am going to talk about for my paper. I've written a lot of argument and persuasive papers throughout my years of school, but I've only ever written one paper which featured both sides of an argument. Unfortunately, it wasn't a paper I did well on; so, I was feeling pretty burnt out on this type of writing and knew I needed to pick a fresh topic I could at least show a mild amount of interest in. 

    I'm studying criminal justice and behavioral science, so I knew I should probably find a topic in this area. I decided to go with the argument of whether or not to disarm the police. While I do have an opinion, there are plenty of arguments for both sides and I think I'll be able to come up with a decent paper offering every angle of the discussion. 

Taking Responsibility

     I've come to a conclusion this week: I do a lot of complaining. I complain about my health, stress, and school. What I've figured out, though, that I can cause a lot of my issues myself. I've started to slow down as the semester went forward and I've done a lot of procrastinating. I need to start taking advantage of the time when I feel well and work towards taking care of the projects I stress over. 

    I need to work on my time management. I think if I start to take responsibility for my actions, I'll be able to move forward more. 

Decisions

     I hate making decisions. Ask any of my friends what my life motto is and they'll tell you it's, "I don't make decisions." Whether it be what movie we're going to watch or what game to play or where to go to eat, I hate making decisions. The problem is, as hard as I try, sometimes there are decisions I can't get out of making; usually, they're the life-altering, big ones.

    Right now, I'm in a time of life that I have a lot of those big decisions to make: what to major in, where to live, where to work, etc. I've recently come upon another pretty big one and I can honestly say, I'm totally stuck.

    I've been offered the opportunity to work in Solar sales over the summer in Florida. I love my job now and normally wouldn't even give it a second thought, but this particular company is offering a lot of money- the kind of money that could have my school completely paid for by the time I'm done. I've never really been very focused on money, myself. I've never needed or wanted to be rich, but I don't want to struggle either. Having my school paid for in one summer would be amazing. 

    Here's the thing: I don't want to go to Florida for the whole summer. For the first time in my life, I have friends, with an s, plural... more than one. I'm really enjoying where I am. I love my job and I've always been close to my family. I don't have any interest right now in being so far away from them. And there's another thing. It may not seem like much, but to me, it's huge. 

    Last year, I bought tickets to see Elton John on his farewell tour in August. If I took the summer position, I would have to miss it. Most people probably think it's just a concert, no big deal. But it's a huge deal. Music has always been everything to me and Elton John is a legend! Not just a legend, but a 74 year old legend who won't be touring ever again. This concert is a once and a life time opportunity. 

    So, to sum this up because it's getting way longer than I anticipated, I have to make a big decision. Some people may think it's an easy one. A lot of people tell me I should go make all that money and forget the concert. As for my family, friends, and job, they'll be here when I get back. 

    I guess that means it comes down to a choice between experience and money. I want to have the concert experience and I'll be okay if I don't take the summer job. Most college kids don't get that opportunity and end up fine. I really don't know. There's life changing money on one hand and a once in a lifetime experience in the other. I guess time will tell which I choose. 

A little bit of burnout

     It seems like it always happens when the weather starts to get cold. Ever since I was in elementary school, the little fire that got assignments done early, lived in fear of a late submission point deduction and woke up early to get things done started to fizzle out. 

    Here we are again. I am fighting to turn things in on time, and fighting to care if I didn't. Where I used to be motivated to go to class on my death bed, migraines keep me at home. 

    My dad told me once that this is where it counts, though. I was a runner in high school; I'll always remember running a race with him and him telling me that. We were on the last mile and he told me, "This is where it counts; this is where you show who you are. It's not in the first couple miles when it's easy and you're doing great. Who you are is in the last mile when everything hurts and all you want to do is quit. That's when you see what you can do." 

    So, I'm going to try my best to keep it all together. I'm gonna push through. If I miss a class or two, that's okay- As long as I make sure to keep my head above water and give it all I've got. I'll make up where I need to and get it to Thanksgiving. From there, I'm sure I'll manage. 

Health...care?

     I will always be the first to complain about healthcare. It doesn't always sit right with people, a 21 year old girl having such strong opinions about this particularly mature subject, but believe me when I say I am more than qualified to air my grievances. 

    My whole life I've struggled with a string of health complications that make my every day existence maybe a bit more challenging than that of a healthy 21 year old woman. I'm a bit of an anomaly when it comes to health and I'm not complaining about that. The way I see it, everyone has struggles, whether the rest of us see them or not. My health is just my struggle. What I am complaining about is the system of healthcare that I'm forced to deal with because of it. 

    What brings this subject to mind this fine day anyway, though? Why am I in a particularly bitter mood on account of American healthcare today? Because today I feel miserable. My body aches, my head is pounding, my heart is racing, and nausea threatens a trip to the bathroom every few minutes. That upsets me because it could've all so easily been avoided. 

    The reason I feel this way is because my blood pressure has been very high for over a week. My blood pressure has been very high for over a week because of a mistake and several futile stipulations created by my health insurance which has caused me to be without heart medication for about as long as I've felt like this. I won't go into detail because it doesn't matter. What does matter is that I am going without heart medication because of some health insurance nonsense completely beyond my control. 

    I'm not saying I have the answers; I certainly don't. But, there are a lot of smart people in this world. I think one of them should put their focus on why so much of my life is dependent on what an insurance company has to say. This isn't a unique situation and thousands of Americans suffer because of it every day. Maybe this post is pointless because I'm offering all problem and no solution. But maybe I'm just spreading awareness to those of us lucky enough to never have dealt with this. 

    We're lucky to have the care we have in America. And I'm fortunate in so many ways, myself. But this needs to change. 

300 Days In

     Today I happened upon the fact that we are exactly 300 days in to 2021. Remember when we weren't sure we would make it through 2020? 

    300 days in means we are 65 days away from 2022. That's so surreal to me. When I look back at what the world has been through these passed few years, and what we're still going through, it feels strange to think that we all made it here. I got to thinking what it was that allowed us to make it this far. I decided the answer is each other. 

    When I think back to the beginning of the pandemic, when we were all so unsure and so many people were dying, I think about all the selfless things everyone did. I think about how we all stuck together and supported each other. We celebrated everyone- from grocery store workers, to home care employees, to nurses, to technicians. We believed in each other and we loved each other. That's something I'll never forget. I hope when we tell the next generation the stories of the pandemic, we don't focus so much on the painful parts; let's focus on the beauty of it. Let's not remember the astronomical price of hand sanitizer; let's remember when we all treated one another like heroes. 

    Now in 2021, we face more problems. The whole country is short staffed, stores can't keep food on the shelves, and terrorism is wrecking lives across the world. In the face of all this, I want the world to remember what got us through 2020. Instead of complaining about the wait at the grocery store, thank the workers who are there trying their best. Instead of taking everything you can while it's still there, take what you need for yourself, and give some to a neighbor. 

    My hope for the remainder of 2021 is that we all remember to keep the love in our hearts that got us here. Let's carry it into the new year and see the positive change it can make.